Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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