So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
