he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
