I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
