we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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