Im at strip club and am horny
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
