Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
