Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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