I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
