I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
