OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
