she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
