Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
