I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
