I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's like iHOP with fire
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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