Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
