I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
