JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
