You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
