what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
