hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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