Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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