I look better un-naked...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
