Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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