it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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