I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
