Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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