Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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