Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
