The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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