Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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