we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
