The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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