just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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