NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
