Too much gin, very little bucket
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
