I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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