i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
