Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
