first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
