i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
