at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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