i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
