PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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