What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
