im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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