Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
