do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
