She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
