dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He passed out mid-signature
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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