just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
zippers are such a cool invention
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
