Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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