flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Someone signed my nipple.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
