I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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