Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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