OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
