3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
