All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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