So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
