ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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