My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
