when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
