so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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