Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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