dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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