My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
