I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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