I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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