The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
