OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
50% drunk capacity currently
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
