I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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