It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
