worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
