What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
