Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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