Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
