I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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