How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
