So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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