just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
