You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
