Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
